yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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