So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
