Umm I'm too high to move.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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