I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
