I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
