he shaved USA in his pubs
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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