a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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