Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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