But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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