so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
