Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
