So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
