he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
