I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
