well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
