tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
