why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
