he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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