Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
