Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
