I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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