he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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