I wish I could punch you in the face.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
