Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He did a backflip because drugs
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
