Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
