Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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