omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
