Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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