I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
