I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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