My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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