i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
