i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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