Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
