seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
operation have a gay friend backfired
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
