Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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