unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
