i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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