i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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