I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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