I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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