Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
