As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
