I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He? As in you personified your dick?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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