she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
