what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize