Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize