I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
