you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
