u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize