I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
