in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
