We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
