are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
