How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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