he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
