How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
