I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
