We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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