Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
