someone owes me an orgasm
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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