I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
