at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
