i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
