He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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