sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
