Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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