i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
