So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize