Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
