so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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