I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
