one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
