I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
