It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
