the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
