apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
